I was informed today that Baby B was diagnosed with a choroid plexus cyst --basically, a cyst in her brain.

The cyst was detected at my 18 week ultrasound, but for whatever reason, my OB neglected to inform me about it.

Today, at my new OB's office, the nurse practitioner was carefully reading my chart and asked me if I knew about the cyst. I replied no. Given the lack of care and miscommunication at my former OB's office, I wasn't surprised that I was un-informed.

When the nurse practitioner looked over the 23 week ultrasound results, there was no mention of the cyst in Baby B's brain. She wasn't sure if this was because the technician didn't know to look for the previously diagnosed cyst (because nobody told her about it?) or if by not mentioning the cyst in the report she had looked for it and there was no cyst to be found.

The nurse practitioner assured me that this type of cyst is "fairly common" and that most disappear on their own. Nevertheless, she wants to be certain so she will be calling the hospital to confirm the report results and also, we will be doing a follow-up ultrasound probably next week.

She will call me as soon as she gets the report.

I am trying not to worry. Because it's probably OK, but it could be bad.

And I'm angry at my former OB. How could my OB not tell me that one of my twin babies has a cyst in her brain? How could you not call your patient after you realize that 1. you missed the twin pregnancy and 2. now one of her babies has a cyst.in.her.brain??

Ok, breathe.

I've been a mess all day. Because even though they're telling me not to worry, how do you not worry about a brain cyst?

These are the times when I realize that my faith is weak, because too often I say "God is good" because I feel like He is, because I have peace, comfort, because everything is under control, because nothing is going wrong.

But tonight, as I face what is unknown, as I stare into what might be chaos, I'm praying for God to strengthen my faith. I'm not asking for everything to be OK. I'm not asking for what I would like to see happen. I'm just asking that whatever happens I will have the kind of faith that Thomas Merton writes about:

"Self-confidence is a precious natural gift, a sign of health. But it is not the same thing as faith. Faith is much deeper, and it must be deep enough to subsist when we are weak, when we are sick, when our self-confidence is gone, when our self-respect is gone. I do not mean that faith only functions when we are otherwise in a state of collapse. But true faith must be able to go on even when everything else is taken away from us." (Merton, Seeds of Faith, p.100)

Will you pray for us, too? I'd appreciate it.