Because if I were catapulted out of bed each morning, I would have some choice words for the genius who invented the GOOD MORNING HEART-ATTACK bed crank. I would certainly not be smiling about it like Farmer Joe here.

Waking up in the morning requires gentleness, not to mention a bowl-sized mug of coffee. Perchance a croissant.

Proverbs 27:14 says, "He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him."

I'm guessing King Solomon wasn't a morning person. Too bad Solomon doesn't have a blog because I'd like to read his thoughts on this barbaric bed crank. I'm thinking fire and brimstone might be in order.

Sans Solomon, I guess we'll just have to make do with Jude's analysis: "Duuuuuuuuuuude!"