PTSD hangover {and its antidote: Mark Wahlberg}

Life is unpredictable. Just a few days ago I was this happy:

And one bad Sunday sends me into a tail-spin. I think I need to avoid Sundays from now on, don't you?

I know this feeling: jangly, jittery, waking up too early. It's a PTSD hangover.

But life doesn't stop just because you feel like crap. There's a mercy in that, I think--to just do the next thing. Wash the dishes, feed the children, sign homework.

There's mercy, also, in watching Mark Wahlberg. I distracted my frantic brain last night by watching "The Fighter." I have a deep fondness for screwed up, dysfunctional, codependent families. The movie was, I thought, fantastic: this crazy-ass family all up in each other's business, blazing over personal boundaries, causing havoc and in the end, loving each other right through to victory.

Damn, I love stories like that.

And I'm such a sucker for happy endings.

I hope my story has a happy ending.

I'm not convinced it will---but maybe that's because I have a faulty definition of "happy" and also, "ending."

When you're raised in a religious context, you're taught that everything happens for a reason and it will all work out in the end. Optimism is your middle name.

You know, when you're raised to think like that, your idea of a happy ending doesn't include things like: losing your appetite because you're so anxious and popping antacid pills because your stomach is so upset.

Which is to say, my personal happy ending would be one that didn't involve twenty bottles of Pepto-Dismal. I mean, bismal.

I don't think that's too much to ask.

I fully realize I'm not seeing things objectively. Right now, everything seems like it's doomed to failure. Clearly, that is not rational.

My pulse is still all sorts of jumpy. I keep waiting for the last of the adrenaline to eke out of my system. It didn't help that this morning I was awakened by a thunder and hail storm.

Couldn't go back to sleep after that.

So, here's my to-do list for today:

  1. Go to my chiropractor.
  2. Exercise.
  3. Make dinner for the family. Making food=happiness.
  4. Do not watch news or disturbing disaster footage.
  5. Do not think about stockpiling for The End of the World.
  6. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DO think about Mark Wahlberg!

[comments closed again. sorry. but I *am* loving your emails. xo.]

Cults, RecoveringFundamentalist, Religionelizabeth