I'm seized with self-doubt. A particularly virulent strain of it has knocked the confidence out of me. So, I clean house. My daughter is coming home from visiting my sister and to welcome her, I've scrubbed her room and bathroom into a state of shining bliss. Wait. Is that a tiny piece of toilet paper I see on the floor? AAAUUUGH! FAILURE!!!!

Anyway, while I cleaned, I thought about all the things I thought I knew, the ideas I believed would come to fruition, the expectations I wanted to meet that have failed spectacularly. My life is meaningless and futile!!!!!!!

OK, I'm being melodramatic.

Let's just say things haven't been going the way I thought they would go----in just about EVERY area of my life.

And now? Now, I've missed my period. Or maybe it's just a week late.

Which means God has a fabulous sense of humor since I just got on my high-horse about the contraceptive mentality. God likes to keep me honest. Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I held my breath the whole way through peeing on the stick. I don't recommend this.

The test was negative.

And then I got all sad because for a moment there, I was hoping a little Jonathan or Judith was growing inside me. But then I was all: It's good to be sad because that means I really DO live what I believe! Yay, babies!

I still haven't started my period.

So, naturally, I took another pregnancy test (this time I didn't hold my breath).

Also, negative.

Time to busy my mind with other stuff. I am proud to report that I've:

1. Cleaned the house
2. Done a bazillion loads of laundry
3. Gone through a bunch of books and wondered if I should do a big ol' Blog Book Giveaway (what say ye?)
4. Walked the dog
5. Tanned my legs
6. And most importantly, made up with my friend--who happened to read my apology post and sent me a most welcome email.

Cleaning is wonderfully cheap therapy. Despite things in my life not going how I want them to go, at least my toilets are sparkling clean. My floors are vacuumed. Life is happy again. Thank you, sponge and mop!

I also went through some piles of books and wondered if any of you would like these?

I thought so!

Come back tomorrow for the beginning of my 3x3BookGiveaway. Yep. I'm giving away 3 bundles of books, 3 books in each bundle. NOTE: these are my own books in gently used condition.

I can't wait to see my ballerina tomorrow!

(She has called from Chicago to say that she's decided on her goal for next summer: to dance in the Chicago Joffrey Ballet Company's summer intensive. I told her she'd have to earn her way. She said no prob. Oy.)