The Advice Fair-EE: "When do you have time for sex after having kids?"

Guess who's baaaack? YES! It's the Advice Fair-EE!

Welcome back to The Advice Fair-EE’s love/sex/relationship advice column!

This is where the lovesick, lovelorn and loveless gather to have The Advice Fair-EE’s pixie dust sprinkled over their broken hearts.

***massive disclaimer: I’m not a licensed therapist!** **addendum to the disclaimer: I’m just a chick with an Internet connection** **p.s. I’m fallible. Like on a daily basis.** *p.p.s. still, I do so enjoy doling out advice. And if past comment boxes are any indication? So do you!  And all the people said AMEN, yo!*

I'm thinking of making The Advice Fair-EE a regular Tuesday post but I can't do it without YOUR questions! If you have a love/sex/relationship/friendship question, please email me with the subject line: ADVICE FAIR-EE. (All identities kept anonymous and I also bequeath you with a pseudonym for extra privacy).

: :

Dear Advice Fair-EE,

How do you engage in an active, frequent sex life with so many kids running around?  I have 5 (b-6 1/2, g/g twins-5, g/g twins almost 3).  It NEVER fails that when my husband and I are getting romantic, someone pops out of bed (we started locking the door) or someone still isn’t sleeping.  So…what are your tips on actually making it happen with kids? Love, Need2GetLaid

: :

Dear Need2GetLaid,

One word: schedule it. Oh, wait. That's two words (see? this is what having a bazillionity kidlets does to my brain). Which is why I like my schedule. It keeps me sane. Plus, it also gives me something to look forward to. Yay, sex!

I know it might sound sooooooo boring and sooooooo lacking in spontaneity, but I'm just sayin'--if you don't schedule a sexual feast, you'll probably end up eating leftovers and always feeling a wee bit dissatisfied and less-than full.

Thing is, when you plan your lovemaking in advance you don't mind giving the hubz little freebie appetizers because, well, you know you've got the Big Entree coming up soon.

Was that a bad analogy? Am I mixing metaphors? My apologies. Again. Blame it on my post-baby brain. I can hardly get a spontaneous shower let alone spontaneous love-making (oh, darnit there's another analogy!).

HOWEVER, unlike food--you will not die if you don't have sex for awhile. I know! I know! What?! You won't die? Your husband won't spontaneously combust? Crazy, right? All I'm saying is: THERE ARE SEASONS IN LIFE.

Take, for example, having twins. Nothing says "I'm exhausted" like having twins. Here's where my second morsel of advice comes in:

Be ye patient with one another.

Sometimes "I'm tired" really DOES mean "I'm tired"--especially when twins are in the picture. Fear not, this too shall pass. Babies grow older, seasons change. You're in this thing for the long haul and sometimes there really ARE more important things than getting laid. Don't worry, another season is just around the corner. Yay, sex!

Cheering you on, The Advice Fair-EE

: :

Do you have morsels of advice to share with "Need2GetLaid"? Do share!

And if you have a question for The Advice Fair-EE, shoot her an email with the subject line: ADVICE FAIR-EE.